I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
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