Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
