Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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