They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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