I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
