Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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