I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize