The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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