We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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