I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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