Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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