I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
