Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize