do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
