Where did you get a picture of my penis
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
