My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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