Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
