is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
