Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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