I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
