The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize