it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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