They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
