I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
