Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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