I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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