the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Are my feet made of real feet?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
