I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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