i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
