Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
