Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
