He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize