we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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