soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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