and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
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