So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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