is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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