That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
