Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
