im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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