He uses pillows to masturbate.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We need a shit load of segways right now
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
