billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize