I heard we made out
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm passing your future prison.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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