just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Randomize
