At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
