Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
