I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You smell like stripper and shame
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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