i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
