Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
