you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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