just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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