I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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