gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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