My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I am one with the molecules
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
