I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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