i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
