winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
