Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
