Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize