So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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