Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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