my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
