hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
