road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
