Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
