My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
how does that bad decision feel?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
