Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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