I'm drive I can fine osifer
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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