You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
