She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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