I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
