I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
