So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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