meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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