Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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