Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
