so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
