her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
