They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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