i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
COCAINE IS GR8
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
