Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she looked like the before picture.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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