apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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