One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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