I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
