Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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