he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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