'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
