dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
