Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
