everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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