He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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