You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
