If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
