they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
