There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
