Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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