i just sent this text using only my big toe
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
