And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
we should paint friendship bongs
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
