I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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