Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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