He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
