...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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