omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
too bad you live with your parents still
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
