i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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