I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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